1. Jul, 2021

"I'm just popping for a Gulasci"

The Euro's are why I'm writing this blog again.

Whilst I was adding up the former City players on show in the big summer tournament in my last piece, one gave me a timely reminder as to why back in 2011 the phrase "I'm just popping for a Gulasci" was a euphemism used just before someone from my family popped to the toilet.

Tapping away on my laptop with Hungary Germany in the background I actually stopped for a couple of minutes as old punch drunk Pete came for a cross and got nowhere near it to hand Germany a goal they barely deserved.... never change Peter, never change.

I don't care if he's playing for Red Bull Leipzig or drinking a can of Red Bull turning out for Moley Vets, Peter Gulasci always has been and always will be a mistake on a stick. Presumably at some point he's played well, seeing as he starts in goal for at least the third best side in Germany and plays international football. Or maybe he knows Jedi mind tricks. Who knows? Because I don't think I've ever seen ninety minutes pass without him doing something terrible.

So thanks Pete... you've nudged me to document some of the worst keepers to ever put on a shirt for us. And the choices are aplenty.

Goalkeepers for Hull City seem to be either feast or famine.

They are either ace. See Myhill, Norman, McGregor, Jakupovic, Fettis and Carroll.

Or not. Like those I'm about to document.

Some haven't made the cut, for which I'm sorry, but I had to put in just five. I'm sure you could easily put another five in, there is a long list when it comes to bad City keepers.

Here goes... top five. In no particular order.

  1. Iain Hesford

Swapping Tony Norman for Ian Hesford was like trading in Angelina Jolie for Susan Boyle. Maybe worse. Mr Consistency was gone and Mr Calamity was here. Just watch any highlights from 1988 to 1991. He'd come for crosses when he was miles away, his kicking was dreadful, he'd make basic errors and somehow let in goals that it barely occurred to you were even a chance.

There was nothing he couldn't get wrong. Presumably we signed him to drive Billy Whitehurst to games, or to match drinks with him. To be honest we'd have been better off playing Big Bill himself in goal. The end of the Norman years would be a barren run keeper wise right up to the arrival of Alan Fettis but Iain Hesford was the worst of a bad bunch.

2.Steve Wilson

Ok, this might be an unpopular opinion. Willo wasn't Hesford levels of crap, or unprofessional and he really did care about the club. So no doubt some will disagree with his name making this list and the fact he's a Hull lad probably also buys him some backers.

If Hull City played in a seven a side league, he wouldn't make this hall of shame. But alas we had to play in adult sized goals and therein lies the problem. If I had a pound for every Sports Mail report that described some non-descript lower league team as "scoring a wonder strike" against Willo, I'd have thirty seven pounds. The bottom line with him was, if you hit the ball high and in towards the corners... he probably wasn't getting there.

Sure he had a really fun song with "He's Bransholmes number one" but sorry folks, he was not the best.... he was however better than.....

3.Scott Thompson

Scott Thompson's middle initial is y. Why we signed him is the first thing that springs to mind. Mark Hateley brought in some absolute stinkers, Neil Whitworth, Kevin Gage and Jon French were all pretty rancid, but Scott Thompson may actually out stink them all.

It's also fair to say that if Steve Wilson looked like a small boy in goal then Scott Thompson may have rivalled him. And also in Willo's defence I've seen him have...

1. A good game and...

2. Make some good saves.

In 9 calamitous outings for us, I did not see either of these things from Scott Thompson. He used to do this really strange dive around the ball, like he was allergic to the thing. Incredibly now he's a goalkeeper's coach for Ross County, presumably telling people to do as he says and not as he did.

4.Lee Bracey

Lee was special. In that even in this list of really poor keepers he had the ability to court disaster more than the others. That's no mean feat. Again like Hesford his general awfulness was perhaps amplified by the fact he took over from Andy Oakes after he was sold to Derby. From feast to famine once again, City fans went from watching a consistent performer to a consistent mess.

Flappy, unsure, nervy, dithering and confused are all the adjectives that best describes the Barking born ball dropper. But his real skill was getting sent off. I'm not sure if he did it two or three times in twenty games (stattos please help) I know he did it at Liverpool in the league cup when we were already multiple goals down on aggregate. I think he also got a red on debut. Even though this reduced us to ten men, I'm not sure that actually was technically a punishment because...well... because Lee Bracey.

5.Peter Gulasci.

Look at where the previous four keepers went after City. Chorley, Maidstone, Macclesfield and Airdrie were all quite fitting landing spots for the biscuit wristed, butter fingered ne'er do wells on today's list. And then there's Pete. Who returned to Liverpool and then has played for Red Bull Salzburg and Red Bull Leipzig. If karma really exists this man seemingly has the antidote.

And yet Gulasci has the mistakes of all four in his locker and in some cases worse. He loves flapping at a cross, frequently comes for balls he can't possibly get and has a ton of rickets in his locker. In fifteen appearances for us he was astonishingly bad and unlike several others here he actually played in quite a good city team. Under the leadership of smiley Nigel Pearson and then Nicky Barmby we came eighth, looking back...without the Hungarian Horror Show I genuinely think we make the top six.

He probably has earned more than the other four combined but he really has to make this list. Anyone who becomes a metaphor for defecation belongs on the top table of the worst keepers in the modern era.

Thanks for reading folks. UTT.