27. Sep, 2021
The Eight types of City fan on Twitter
Let’s be honest, we’ve all got other interests. During the two lockdowns and the unwatchable period of our football in the spring of 2020 (and in the last month) we sneak away to things that make us less miserable than the exact time when your Twitter tells you. “Goal. Stoke. 35mins”.
Thus these changes are reflected on City Twitter (Citter?) and I see more and more distinctions of our fans who take on other forms or characteristics, myself included.
I started last week to try to summarise these characteristics into a few recognisable categories. I write about these with tongue firmly in cheek so send your hate tweets to @thelikesofhull 😊….. here we go… *
*Disclaimer I am definitely partly a number 1,2,4 and 8 so don’t take this too seriously *
The 8 different kinds of City twitter fans in 2021.
1. The Self appointed know it all.
Description
With a distinct lack of journalism surrounding the club in recent years, thus the “journalists” created themselves. This super-mega fan used to mainly be seen on message boards but around the time of the early 2010’s they seemed to arrive on Twitter. They know more than you, because, well, they just do and they’ve probably written all about why they know more than you. Sometimes informative but often insufferably arrogant the Self-appointed know it all doesn’t ultimately realise that they are merely a fan, even if David Meyler once retweeted them.
Usually posts
Constantly and with a sense that they are the only people that are the oracle of all information to enlighten us. We lose three games to nil and they’ll tell us we have a goalscoring problem. Thanks for that. They’ll also break down the game to tell you things that you already knew, as you have sight.
Main comeback will likely be
To block you. The know it all, knows it all, don’t correct them, they won’t like it.
Is likely to found on matchdays
Staring at their smartphone wearing ironic club merch that came before the badge changed which is now sadly ill-fitting.
Favourite player and manager of all time
Dean Windass and Brian Horton. Because they were at Wycombe for “that” goal and 100% didn’t just tape it on that ITV goals show at 12.40am.
2. The second club/sport splitter
Description
This fan is like the bloke you knew that used to have a Mrs that looked like Pamela Anderson and now she looks like Clive Anderson. So, he shuffles off quietly under the cover of darkness to watch his new mistress. Baseball, Wrestling, Italian Football, MLS, Ice Hockey… you name it. They know in their heart that it’s a little sordid and may have slaughtered other people for doing this in the past but… it’s just all so bright and fun…. And… it’s not you.. it’s me….
Usually posts
Late at night, whilst the rest of the family sleeps.
Main comeback will be
“Yeh sorry mate, I didn’t see that, I was watching the Portland Timbers vs Real Salt Lake”
Is likely to found on matchdays
Looking tired in a baseball cap with their mind on other things.
Favourite player and manager of all time
Ric Flair and Bobby “the brain” Heenan
3. The right/left leave/remain flag waver
Description
It’s a sign of how bad things are that politics is regularly more entertaining than our club. But this is where this person has run to. And they are angry… really angry about something that someone said or did and they have links, so many links, and everyone needs to read them, otherwise something really important is or isn’t going to happen. Or something.
Listen, I’m interested in politics but I don’t feel the need to put flags next to my name in the same way I don’t do a symbol of a house, even though I live in one. It’s all a bit, you know, odd. Nobody ever changed their political view because of twitter, soz and that but the “Right/left/leave/remain flag waver” is on the whole wasting their time. They are of course “fewmin” at reading this and are currently providing links to a left/right wing source on leaving/remaining to show me that I’m wrong.
Usually posts
During question time. When something really bad has happened that’s proving them right.
Main comeback will be
“Well you would say that wouldn’t you?”
Is likely to found on matchdays
Taking pictures of full/empty shelves in the local Asda to prove that there is/isn’t a problem.
Favourite player and manager of all time
Gary Brabin or Hatem Ben Arfa
Peter Taylor after a crew cut or Marco Silva
Delete as appropriate.
4.The ribbon rubber.
Description
I put an amber ribbon up after we went down. It was a little gesture that the HCST started and when we are all bereft of hope for a few weeks it at least gave us a little bit of solidarity. (apologies to the right side of the flag wavers for my left-wing Trotsky-esque term)
But the ribbon rubber never took it down. And when things started to go rather nicely in the autumn of last year, rather than enjoy it, the RR just seemed to get more annoyed. Thus, if we slipped to the odd defeat they’d be positively apoplectic whilst barely registering any emotion after a win. It almost seems like this city fan is caught in a frantic state of being hacked off, which makes it really hard for them when there’s not much to be hacked off about.
Usually posts
Lots… but the following catchphases are usually found.
McCan’t
Polo
Die when they want
Leave for a pound
Lacky/yes man
hullcitytigers
Not a penny more
SMC
Moving goalposts
Dead club
Main comeback will be
Something about keeping Steve Bruce and how we could be in the champions league by now.
Is likely to found on matchdays
In B and M, in the kit from 2013.
Favourite player and manager of all time
Alex Bruce and Steve Bruce, with a nod to Fiona Bruce.
5.The Wolfie Smith revolutionist
Description
The WSR, (thanks to @hullcitymister for the creative description here) are a much angrier version of the slightly more forlorn Ribbon Rubber. In fact, they don’t like the Ribbon Rubber and attacks them for their quiet persistence. The Wolfie Smith revolutionist wants to force change now by “any means necessary” and if you aren’t on board with that…. Well they are going to be really angry about it and tell you how you’re not a very good fan, and probably start a song about you. So there.
Usually posts
Housemartins lyrics, or pictures of themselves looking powerful with a flag that says something really important about the club.
Main comeback will be
They’ll almost certainly call you a Tory. Or intimate that you love Ehab. Or both.
Is likely to found on matchdays
Protesting in West Park. Or in the pub, because nobody wanted to protest. Splitters.
Favourite player and manager of all time
Lev Yashin and Castro
6. The Flat Earther
Description
The flat earther doesn’t care what you think, or whatever evidence you show them to back it up because their brand of insanity is correct and that’s that. They have decided that whatever most other people think they’ll think something completely different, just because they can’t agree with anyone, which they can’t, or won’t. Even if this appears to be the opinion of a raving lunatic they will swim upstream regardless.
Usually posts
About the “mob”. Even if this mob contains around 12 fans on mini-bus from Goole.
Likes to correct Burnley player’s Dads about their chances of coming back from injury.
Main comeback will be
“Yet again City til I die have spoilt things for everyone”
Is likely to found on matchdays
On the dark web.
Favourite player and manager of all time
Gedo and Mike Phelan.
7. The “virtual” fan
Description
The virtual fan decided that seeing as the product wasn’t so great anymore he was going to re-write history by playing out similar events on their computer or console. They either lack the self-awareness or simply don’t care that this is the behaviour of a 14-year-old. Besides they’ve just unlocked a new kit and have moved us into the e-sports euro finals using a hack that they got from a bloke called “Dangerous Diamande” so your opinion is completely irrelevant.
Usually posts
In code or GIF files.
If you’re not careful he’ll tell you that you are “ratio-ed” and will use the term “dub” a lot with pictures of that bloke from Arsenal fans TV.
Main comeback will be
An ironic hashtag.
Is likely to found on matchdays
Complaining about how KLP clearly has 85 pace, so why doesn’t he simply hold down R2 and run past their defenders.
Favourite player and manager of all time
Those two lads that did the trick plays on Soccer AM and Billie Eilish.
8.The beer food and kits connoisseur.
Description
Perhaps one of the more understandable City fans the BFKC has just had enough of us being crap but rather than stopping going, they’ve just generally ignored the on-pitch product for the finer things.
Therefore, Blackburn away is preluded by pictures of Spicy Chili Nachos in the local pub whilst their other half has a rare Austrian Cherry beer and they both smile nicely during their selfie wearing their @hullcityretro kit.
Usually posts
Pictures of food and drink to such a degree that you can’t quite believe that they aren’t fifteen stone overweight, or a rare version of Grampus Eight’s first ever away shirt, once worn by Shinju Suzuki.
Main comeback will be
“I think ultimately we lost because the trefoil on the away kit clearly confused the forward line and they couldn’t pick anyone out…. Anyone want to try this humus?”
Is likely to found on matchdays
In the concourse.
Favourite player and manager of all time
Brian Marwood and Mike Smith in the 1981 home kit. Glorious.
Thanks for reading, keep smiling folks. UTT.