Apologies that it’s been a while since I’ve written anything. Christmas, New Year, apoplectic Blackburn Rovers fans, sitting around waiting for an announcement the take over has happened, apoplectic Sheffield United fans, apoplectic and overrated Leeds United players… seem to have distracted me.
However, I did find time to ask you the lovely #hcafc twitter following for a possible topic to write about next and with a sizable 51% the topic of “Whopper fan-bases” took the honours.
Now, I think relevance is a point before we start. We could all think of huge whopper fanbases that get right on our threpennies but they aren’t really in the same world as us, so there’s not that much point putting in a ManYu or Liverpool. I did think long and hard about Arsenal, just because of the damage their fans have done to the modern perception of support (making videos pretending to be angry shouting “BLUD” a lot and generally looking for the lowest form of attention) and how that poison is slowly seeping through to Championship football and lower, but I think that’s another debate in some ways. Having said that they are raging dimwitted cock wombles and I wish them nothing but misery.
Other teams were strongly considered, Sunderland and Newcastle for example but I ultimately think that they have to live their own punishments. On another day I’d have happily slipped them in a top five.
It’s also subject to change, there’s clubs you never really had an issue with and then a cavalcade of oxygen thieves come bounding onto your time line and voila! Multiple whoppers with cheese… so even though this is my top five currently, it could change as I’m sure yours does.
As ever send your hate tweets to @thelikesofhull and I always find it fun to read your comments after. Here’s hoping the takeover is done not long after writing (or in your case reading) this.
5. Blackburn Rovers
I feel like this is a new entry on top of the pops. Don’t get me wrong, they had every right to feel somewhat peeved at travelling for two hours only to find out a game was off, but boy did they misdirect their anger and did they ever reveal some whoppers within their fanbase in the process. City had made it quite clear to the league in the run up to the game how many cases we were battling and the EFL knew the day before we had fourteen out, the EFL wanted us to play so we had to test other players who wouldn’t have been involved before, and then we found more. It really was that simple. The system was rubbish, we didn’t do much wrong apart from perhaps in the attempt not to fly a plane over Blackburn saying “We’ve got 75% of the squad out” we didn’t fully publicise the depth of the problems we had.
Now Blackburn are pretty good this year, they might make the play-offs, but prime Juve they ain’t. And if their one really good player leaves they’ll be back to 13th before you can say “Bradley Dack is a toolbag”. So, the absolute cavalcade of conspiracy Blackburn fans convinced that they should have three points and the idea that Cliff Byrne had the red pen out on the old lateral flows was delightfully bonkers. You’re not Real Madrid lads, I think we might just have been ok against you.
Videos of badly dressed and acne challenged yoof then walking round the relatively empty streets of the Old Town emerged “giving it large” and if you hadn’t cringed enough at a very cringey fan base this was the fake stone island cherry on a rather large cake. Even when I tweeted my “would I lie to you” gag about faking tests because we were scared of Ben Brererton Diaz, they seemed to take this literally, like it was on their newsfeed on the BBC. Oh dear.
I hope we beat them 1-0 at the KCOM in snow, and score a last minute deflected cross after having zero shots on target, just to watch them implode again.
4. Hull City
All of a sudden, I can feel the knives sharpening as I type. But hear me out.
It’s not the whole fanbase by any stretch, and it’s maybe because we know them all too well but boy… do we have some whopper fans.
There’s the “I’ve paid my money so I can say what I want” whoppers, screaming at Eaves, or Elder or whoever they’ve got on the back of this week.
There’s the “I can’t be wrong” whoppers who simply go silent when someone they screamed blue murder at does well (See McCann G or Smallwood R) and then wait for a loss or a mistake to come out the cracks like a reverse of the Homer meme.
There’s so many more, racist whoppers, stay-away but never really went whoppers, hard drive needs checking whoppers, dual team supporting whoppers, name dropper whoppers, ex-player stalking whoppers… you name it….
There’s no escaping the fact that we have some issues within our fanbase and I’m not sure it gets fixed any time soon. Even if we get some Turkish dough pumped in, for some Chadwick’s amongst us, it’s never good enough.
3. Leeds United
Every interaction with a Leeds fan on twitter is five minutes you’ll never get back.
No, I know you don’t regard us as a rival.
Yes, you are back in the Premier League.
No, I just dislike Leeds fans from Hull.
No, I don’t really care if you’re managed by the Argentinian Jack Duckworth.
And so on.
Any fanbase whose idea of creating atmosphere is twirling their scarves around their heads singing “We are the champions, the champions of Europe” when they SPECIFICALLY HAVE NEVER BEEN THE CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE are flame grilled, double cooked whoppers of the highest order.
A generally tedious, overrated team who have had two good seasons in about twenty and we never hear the end of it, whilst they hope that everyone forgets that they came in fancy dress as empty seats for the other eighteen.
I just don’t know what it is about being a London team that makes you lose all sense of reality and proportion. It doesn’t even make sense because many of them aren’t whoppers (Charlton aren’t, Brentford aren’t, Orient aren’t and even Spurs fans show some self-deprecating humour that makes them pretty likeable) but Arsenal, Chelsea, West Ham… and of course QPR.. whopper-ville.
It’s something about their level arrogance yet they’ve never done a great deal of anything. A terrible cramped square overpriced tip of a ground, in an even bigger tip of an area, the fact that they are such cry babies when they lose and even their heroes are massive bell ends. Taarabt and Joey Barton who they sang “He’ll tweet what he wants” about. Toe curlingly cringeworthy and embarrassing.
Then there’s the fact that virtually none of them are from Shephard’s Bush and yet tell you that “Hawl is a shit-ole mate”…. Even though they come from horrible concrete little towns like Hemel Hempstead and Slough with no character or redeeming features.
It’s almost as if all the karma they’ve used up paid them back with the last-minute winner against them 15 years ago after they’d time wasted throughout the whole game only to lose it in the very minutes they created themselves. Whopper club, whopper fans, whopper place.
Then there’s the fan base that stands head and shoulders above all of them.
Massive, massive Wednesday.
Bigger than the stratosphere.
They came to Wembley, in their millions, they sang a song about being on their way a lot. They were on their way…. back to Sheffield, because they weren’t as good at football as us.
Soz and all that but if there was a league of “having loads of fans singing” they might be right up there. Unfortunately, there isn’t so they aren’t.
Now they are telling Cambridge United and Fleetwood fans how massive they are, and the pattern goes on.
Boring, tedious, self-righteous, entitled whoppers in a stadium that’s just like them. Massive, famous, but overall, a bit shit.