Let’s be honest, we’ve all got other interests. During the two lockdowns and the unwatchable period of our football in the spring of 2020 (and in the last month) we sneak away to things that make us less miserable than the exact time when your Twitter tells you. “Goal. Stoke. 35mins”.

Thus these changes are reflected on City Twitter (Citter?) and I see more and more distinctions of our fans who take on other forms or characteristics, myself included.

I started last week to try to summarise these characteristics into a few recognisable categories. I write about these with tongue firmly in cheek so send your hate tweets to @thelikesofhull 😊….. here we go…  *

 

*Disclaimer I am definitely partly a number 1,2,4 and 8 so don’t take this too seriously *

 

The 8 different kinds of City twitter fans in 2021.

 

With a distinct lack of journalism surrounding the club in recent years, thus the “journalists” created themselves. This super-mega fan used to mainly be seen on message boards but around the time of the early 2010’s they seemed to arrive on Twitter. They know more than you, because, well, they just do and they’ve probably written all about why they know more than you. Sometimes informative but often insufferably arrogant the Self-appointed know it all doesn’t ultimately realise that they are merely a fan, even if David Meyler once retweeted them.

Constantly and with a sense that they are the only people that are the oracle of all information to enlighten us. We lose three games to nil and they’ll tell us we have a goalscoring problem. Thanks for that. They’ll also break down the game to tell you things that you already knew, as you have sight.

 

To block you. The know it all, knows it all, don’t correct them, they won’t like it.

 

Staring at their smartphone wearing ironic club merch that came before the badge changed which is now sadly ill-fitting.

Dean Windass and Brian Horton. Because they were at Wycombe for “that” goal and 100% didn’t just tape it on that ITV goals show at 12.40am.

 

This fan is like the bloke you knew that used to have a Mrs that looked like Pamela Anderson and now she looks like Clive Anderson. So, he shuffles off quietly under the cover of darkness to watch his new mistress. Baseball, Wrestling, Italian Football, MLS, Ice Hockey… you name it. They know in their heart that it’s a little sordid and may have slaughtered other people for doing this in the past but… it’s just all so bright and fun…. And… it’s not you.. it’s me….

 

 

Late at night, whilst the rest of the family sleeps.

“Yeh sorry mate, I didn’t see that, I was watching the Portland Timbers vs Real Salt Lake”

Looking tired in a baseball cap with their mind on other things.

Ric Flair and Bobby “the brain” Heenan

 

 

It’s a sign of how bad things are that politics is regularly more entertaining than our club. But this is where this person has run to. And they are angry… really angry about something that someone said or did and they have links, so many links, and everyone needs to read them, otherwise something really important is or isn’t going to happen. Or something.

Listen, I’m interested in politics but I don’t feel the need to put flags next to my name in the same way I don’t do a symbol of a house, even though I live in one. It’s all a bit, you know, odd.  Nobody ever changed their political view because of twitter, soz and that but the “Right/left/leave/remain flag waver” is on the whole wasting their time. They are of course “fewmin” at reading this and are currently providing links to a left/right wing source on leaving/remaining to show me that I’m wrong.

 

During question time. When something really bad has happened that’s proving them right.

“Well you would say that wouldn’t you?”

Taking pictures of full/empty shelves in the local Asda to prove that there is/isn’t a problem.

Gary Brabin or Hatem Ben Arfa

 

Peter Taylor after a crew cut or Marco Silva

 

Delete as appropriate.

 

 

I put an amber ribbon up after we went down. It was a little gesture that the HCST started and when we are all bereft of hope for a few weeks it at least gave us a little bit of solidarity. (apologies to the right side of the flag wavers for my left-wing Trotsky-esque term)

 

But the ribbon rubber never took it down. And when things started to go rather nicely in the autumn of last year, rather than enjoy it, the RR just seemed to get more annoyed. Thus, if we slipped to the odd defeat they’d be positively apoplectic whilst barely registering any emotion after a win. It almost seems like this city fan is caught in a frantic state of being hacked off, which makes it really hard for them when there’s not much to be hacked off about.

 

 

Lots… but the following catchphases are usually found.

 McCan’t

Polo

Die when they want

Leave for a pound

Lacky/yes man

hullcitytigers

Not a penny more

SMC

Moving goalposts

Dead club

Something about keeping Steve Bruce and how we could be in the champions league by now.

In B and M, in the kit from 2013.

 

Alex Bruce and Steve Bruce, with a nod to Fiona Bruce.

 

 

 

Housemartins lyrics, or pictures of themselves looking powerful with a flag that says something really important about the club.

They’ll almost certainly call you a Tory. Or intimate that you love Ehab. Or both.

Protesting in West Park. Or in the pub, because nobody wanted to protest. Splitters.

Lev Yashin and Castro

 

The flat earther doesn’t care what you think, or whatever evidence you show them to back it up because their brand of insanity is correct and that’s that. They have decided that whatever most other people think they’ll think something completely different, just because they can’t agree with anyone, which they can’t, or won’t. Even if this appears to be the opinion of a raving lunatic they will swim upstream regardless.

 

About the “mob”. Even if this mob contains around 12 fans on mini-bus from Goole.

Likes to correct Burnley player’s Dads about their chances of coming back from injury.

“Yet again City til I die have spoilt things for everyone”

On the dark web.

 

In code or GIF files.

 

If you’re not careful he’ll tell you that you are “ratio-ed” and will use the term “dub” a lot with pictures of that bloke from Arsenal fans TV.

An ironic hashtag.

Complaining about how KLP clearly has 85 pace, so why doesn’t he simply hold down R2 and run past their defenders.

 

Pictures of food and drink to such a degree that you can’t quite believe that they aren’t fifteen stone overweight, or a rare version of Grampus Eight’s first ever away shirt, once worn by Shinju Suzuki.

“I think ultimately we lost because the trefoil on the away kit clearly confused the forward line and they couldn’t pick anyone out…. Anyone want to try this humus?”

In the concourse.

Brian Marwood and Mike Smith in the 1981 home kit. Glorious.